


Static

by kronette



Series: In Bed [5]
Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Season/Series 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2013-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-07 20:40:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/752870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lister is woken up in the middle of the night, he doesn't know the next day is going to be one of the worst of his - and Rimmer's - life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Static

**Author's Note:**

> This will have multiple chapters, just so you know.

Lister dragged his face from Rimmer's shoulder, removing the cotton from his mouth as he licked his lips. Cracking open his eyes and peering over Rimmer's shoulder, he could barely make out the shadows and shapes of the room. He didn't know what woke him, but nothing seemed amiss other than the temperature. Plastered as he was to Rimmer's back, his front was overly warm, but his back was cool. As he noticed it, a chill shook him, raising gooseflesh. He made a mental note to check the heating unit to ensure it was working properly, then groped for the blanket. As he pulled it over his shoulders, little sparks of static electricity prickled his skin. 

When he slid his arm back around Rimmer's stomach, more static danced over Rimmer's body with whispered crackles. The light show lasted a few seconds, reminding Lister of far-off lightning flashes during summer storms. He expected Rimmer to wake up, but when he only twitched a bit and murmured nonsense, Lister burrowed his head deeper into Rimmer's back and resumed his drooling slumber. 

The next morning, Lister woke to a frowning Rimmer sat at the table, still in his pyjamas. "What's wrong?" he slurred as he pushed himself upright, rubbing an eye with the heel of his hand. He watched Rimmer flex his right hand, and even from the bed, Lister could see it shaking. 

"I woke up like this," Rimmer said, worry lines etched deep in his expression. 

Lister never claimed to be coherent first thing after waking up, but he swore he heard an odd echo in Rimmer's voice. He climbed out of bed and took Rimmer's hand in his own, letting out a startled yelp as he got a shock. Lister shook his hand absently as he studied his lover, wondering if his eyes were playing tricks on him. Rimmer seemed blurry, like his eyes couldn't focus on him properly. "Are you feeling okay, Rimmer?"

To his horror, Rimmer stuttered, "N-o-o—o." 

Tentatively, Lister asked, "Rimmer, this looks a bit like an overload to your system. Have you been feeling resentful lately?" 

Rimmer's expression, which had been worried, softened to one Lister loved. "No, not fo a log tm." Rimmer's brow creased and he attempted to say something else. "Feeeeeeeeees dffeent."

Lister gripped Rimmer's hand tightly as worry gnawed at his gut. "You sound funny, like a skipping record. I think we should get you to the medi bot and run some scans." He rubbed his thumb over Rimmer's as his lover started to breathe heavily, the first warning of an impending panic attack. "Easy, guy. I’m sure…"

He bit back a shout as Rimmer nearly crushed his hand just as a wave of prickly static shot from Rimmer's arm to his. Lister felt a distant rumble beneath his feet as though the ship's engines were going to maximum, yet he couldn't feel any increase in speed. 

Rimmer's voice randomly pitched up and down, growing to a whine as he demanded, "What'ssssss hap-pp-pen?" 

Tumblers clicked into place in his brain, giving Lister an idea of what might be happening: the sparks of static electricity that encased Rimmer last night and his malfunctions now. It was so easy for him to forget that Rimmer was generated by a machine. Lister had learned the dangers of machines and electricity from one of his first science courses. Electromagnetic interference, it was called, and it was currently interfering with Rimmer's light bee. 

Spurred into action, he pulled Rimmer to his feet. "Smeg, Rimmer, we've got to find some way to protect you from this…Kryten!" he yelled. 

As he turned toward the doorway, the power fluctuated throughout their quarters. Lister shoved Rimmer beneath the table, trying to shield his lover from the sparks that were raining down. The hairs on Lister's arms stood up and the air grew charged as a loud hum permeated the air, cumulating in simultaneous pops and crackles. He yelped as snaps of electricity assaulted him from Rimmer, who was encased in violent-looking arcs of energy that reached him from the floor.

It was several minutes before the charged atmosphere seemed to dissipate and Lister felt safe poking his head out from under the table. The lights still flickered and popped, while sparks sizzled from the myriad of components that made up their kitchen area. 

"Shit." He let go of a trembling Rimmer to check the hallway, though with the lights still flickering, it was hard to make out anything. He didn't see any flames, but that didn't mean something wasn't melting or gearing up to explode. A figure turned the corner toward him and he yelled in relief, "Kryten!" 

It wasn't Kryten, though. Cat looked worse for wear in his bathrobe and his hair still done up in curlers. Before Lister could say anything, Cat started in complaining, "What the hell is going on, Lister? I tried talking to Kryten, but he's doing some weird exercise thing in the middle of the corridor and completely ignored me. My bath water won't get warm, my hair dryer shocked me…" Cat's attention drifted over Lister's shoulder. "What's wrong with Rimmer? He looks stiffer than my shirt collars."

Lister whirled and his stomach bottomed out. Rimmer stood in front of him with his mouth partially open and his hand extended, seemingly frozen in place. What disturbed Lister most was that his eyes were clear, not the shutdown status of swirling beach balls. He didn't know if that was a good sign or bad. "Arnold, can you hear me?" he asked loudly, grabbing Rimmer's shoulders and giving him a shake. At his touch, Rimmer seemed to waver like the start of a vid before the picture cleared. 

His heart started beating again when Rimmer became animated, clutching at his shoulders and fixing him with wide, terrified eyes. "Heep mmme." The words were barely distinguishable, but Lister heard the desperate panic in Rimmer's tone. 

"I'm going to help you, Rimmer; I swear." He turned to Cat. "You say you saw Kryten? Where is he?" 

Cat hooked a thumb over his shoulder. "Two levels up, near vending machine 34." 

Lister's mind raced. He needed to find a strong enough shield to protect Rimmer from whatever was causing the electromagnetic interference, but if power was fluctuating over the whole ship there weren't a lot of options left. Red Dwarf was built for space travel and should have enough shielding to withstand anything. The only thing Lister could recall about lessening static charges was to wear leather. Inspired, he steered Rimmer back into their quarters and held out his jacket. "Put this on." 

Rimmer looked almost afraid to put it on, so Lister draped it over his shoulders and explained quickly, "Leather can help absorb the shocks. Until I get to the drive room and figure out what's going on, this'll give you some protection." 

With jerky movements, Rimmer pushed his arms through properly and settled the jacket around him. Despite the urgency of the situation, Lister couldn't help but admire how good Rimmer looked in his jacket. Feeling the air start to crackle, Lister hurriedly pulled on his jeans, hissing as static electricity danced up his legs. Finding one of his shirts, he threw it on, then shoved his feet into his boots. 

He turned to say something to Rimmer and they nearly bumped noses. "I have to go to the drive room. I need to check the scans." Rimmer nodded and made to follow him. Lister took Rimmer gently by the shoulders, flinching as he was shocked yet again. He met Rimmer's gaze squarely and murmured, "Love, I want you to stay here." 

He watched with a tightening chest as Rimmer struggled to talk, finally getting out something that sounded like, "No." Even if that wasn't the word, Rimmer's expression certainly screamed 'not on your smegging life, you arsehole'. 

Lister gave him what he hoped was his killer smile, the one that made Rimmer do anything he asked. "I need to know you're safe, and not getting caught in the corridors when another surge goes through. I need you to trust me, Arnie. Please." 

Annoyance flitted crossed Rimmer's features, immediately transforming to agony as a thick arc of energy slammed into him from the ceiling. Lister was thrown back from the charge, his teeth aching from his jarring hit to the wall and the electricity thrumming through his system. He dimly heard yelling and didn't know if it was from Rimmer, Cat or himself. He squeezed his eyes shut, half afraid his eyes would pop out of his head from the build-up of energy surrounding him. His heart thudded loudly in his chest, drown out only by the pops and sizzles of everything electronic in their quarters frying. It seemed like hours until the energy died down enough that Lister felt safe opening his eyes. A thin layer of smoke drifted down from the ceiling where a single bulb remained unbroken. A fire had started in the kitchenette, and those appliances that weren't on fire lay in blackened pieces on the floor. 

A piteous moan from Cat emanated from his right just as he spotted his jacket lying crumpled on the floor. Buzzing filled his head as he hitched and crawled his way over to the jacket, close enough now to see the familiar pyjamas beneath it. The sharp pain in his shoulder faded to nothing as he picked up the leather and found Rimmer's light bee nestled amongst the cotton. 

A keening sound broke through the buzzing in his head. It wasn't until he felt Cat's arm across his shoulders that he realized he was making it. At some point he must have picked up the light bee, because it was now cradled in his palms, held like a precious stone. His eyes stung with tears, his face was hot and his chest ached in the void where his heart used to be. He didn't have a thought in his head; it was like everything inside of him had shut down, leaving an empty shell. 

He heard Cat say quietly, "Maybe he shut himself off. You know, before it got real bad." 

Lister pressed his lips together tightly and shook his head, his mind going from blank to racing in a nanosecond. Rimmer was a practical man who did things deliberately and in precise order. He was not one to think on his feet or act spontaneously – even with sex, his seductions were carefully planned. No, in a crisis situation, Rimmer always deferred to someone else for the next action to take. Rimmer wouldn’t have had the presence of mind to shut himself off during an assault of that magnitude.

But neither could Lister accept that Rimmer was dead. Rimmer had told him that he was indestructible, had promised him, and he had to believe that. Lister forced himself to study the little metal device that contained the life-essence of his lover. It didn't appear to be damaged, but he'd only seen it a few times. Was it supposed to have those black marks on it? Should it be warm or cool? Were the lights supposed to be on? If Rimmer had managed, somehow, to turn himself off, was he conscious? Could he hear? Feel? 

"Rimmer?" Lister called softly, his voice sounding rough in his scratchy throat. "Arn, if you can hear me, sit tight. I know you're scared; I'm scared, too. But me and Cat are going to get Kryten and figure out what the smeg's going on." He rubbed his thumbs over the surface, hoping he was sending some kind of comfort to Rimmer. "When it's safe to turn you back on, I'll be right there, love. I promise." He pried his gaze away from Rimmer's light bee, a sheen of tears blurring his vision. 

It was through those tears he got his first good look at Cat. The overly prim, usually immaculate feline had curlers dangling from the ends of his hair, which had fallen out of the neat updo he'd slept in. His dressing gown was hopelessly wrinkled and he was missing one slipper. Closer inspection showed a bump forming on his left temple. "Cat, you okay?" 

Cat sent him a murderous glare and muttered, "If I scar, I'm holding you responsible, Bud. But right now, I'm more worried about that."

Lister turned to look where Cat was pointing and gasped, "Smeg!" The flames were reaching toward the ceiling and putting the rest of their quarters in danger. He hesitated, then carefully returned Rimmer's light bee to the pile of clothes before locating the fire extinguisher. Once he was sure he had the fire out, Lister dredged a hand over his face. 

He set the fire extinguisher next to the bundle of clothes and knelt down. "Rimmer, I'm taking you with me, okay? I'll wrap you up nice and tight so you'll be safe." He took care to fold Rimmer's pyjama's around the light bee, then folded the bundle inside his leather jacket. Tucking his cargo under his arm, he grabbed the fire extinguisher and pushed himself to his feet. "Come on, Cat. We have to get Kryten and head up to the drive room." When he didn't sense Cat following him, he turned around. 

Cat stood with his hands on hips, glaring at him. "Look, Bud. I know you've got to take care of Rimmer, but _I_ need to change. I'm not going to die in my dressing gown. I'll never live it down." 

Lister closed his eyes briefly. "You're not going to die, Cat. This is electromagnetic interference, okay? It only affects computers and electrical equipment. Stuff that plugs in," he elaborated when he saw Cat's confused expression. His arm tightened on the bundle under his arm, giving Rimmer a comforting squeeze. 

Cat looked skeptical. "If that's true, then why did the white light zap Rimmer and throw you across the room?" 

Lister leaned heavily against the wall, favoring his sore shoulder. "Rimmer's light bee is made of electrical parts. When the air got charged with energy, it located the nearest source, and that happened to be him. Because I was touching him, I got a shock." His mind drifted as his body began to feel the aches of being thrown into the wall. "Now, if you want to change, go ahead, but don't plug anything in. That includes your hair dryer, waxer, curling iron, hot plate, stove, microwave, cooker, and lighted mirror. When you're done, meet me and Kryten in the drive room. Use this," he handed Cat the fire extinguisher, "If you see any fires. The fire suppression system must have been affected by the energy. Oh, and you may want to get some food and water." He didn't dare look back in at the sodden and blackened mess. "Our kitchen's fried, but I'm hoping some of the vending machines came through okay." 

Cat began to protest, "Do I look like a dog to you? I'm not—" then abruptly stopped. Whatever Cat saw in his expression, it rattled him. "Sure thing, Lister. I'll meet you in the drive room." 

He nodded and began the trek down the hall, feeling his shoulders droop with each step. He'd been exhausted when he'd gone to bed the night before, and waking up to this disaster wasn’t helping his sleep-deprived mind. He'd been working down on C deck, repairing several circuits that had stopped responding to the main computer. Almost two years of shift rotations to fix Red Dwarf had taken a toll on all of them, but it affected him and Rimmer the most. Cat would nap whenever he got bored, and Kryten was all too happy to assist when he could, but preferred the filthy clothes and grease-stained showers afterwards. He and Rimmer did most of the actual repair work, and their sex life suffered for it. 

As he dragged himself up the stairs, he tried to recall when he'd last told Rimmer he loved him. Last night? Yesterday morning? It was all a blur now; his mind's eye only giving him that last look of torture on Rimmer's face. He shook his head, forcing that image out of his mind. He concentrated on the things he loved about Rimmer: the soft smile he'd get when Lister read to him in bed. The playful look when Lister nudged his foot under the table, their subtle signal for 'meet me in the shower in ten minutes so I can suck you off.' The look of wonder and love that shone up at him when Lister drove into him. The indefinable color his eyes would turn after he climaxed.

Lister stopped on the stairs and wiped his eyes. "I’m getting you back, Rimmer," he said and tightened his arm around the light bee. "I'm not losing you to this. Not after everything we've been though." 

Finally at level 474, he saw Kryten at the end of the hall, smoke coming from his neck. It looked like he'd made progress from what Cat had described, as he was several meters away from the vending machine and on his feet, more or less. "Kryten!"

The mechanoid gave a few jerky motions and slurred, "S-s-s-----rrrrrr." 

"Don't try to talk, Kryten." Lister hurried over to Kryten and bent down to get his shoulder underneath the mechanoid's arm. He winced at the pressure on his shoulder, adding to his already aching body. "I think I know what's going on. You were going to the drive room to check the scanners, right?"

Kryten nodded spastically. 

As they limped into the lift, Lister voiced his concerns. "This wasn't an attack, or else we'd have been overrun by now. We've flown into some sort of electromagnetic belt, haven't we? You think the whole ship was affected before scans could pick it up, right?"

Again, Kryten nodded, nearly going off-balance as the lift started to ascend. 

The back of Lister's head hit the lift wall. "Smeg. Is it even worth going to the drive room? If the whole ship's been affected, we can't rely on anything the scanners or computer tell us." He rolled his head to look at Kryten, hoping he'd be corrected, but Kryten's gaze was pointedly fixed away from him, his expression troubled. "Smeg!" he shouted as he pounded his fist against the lift wall in frustration.

The lift halted three times on the way to the drive room, causing Lister to hyperventilate as his claustrophobia overrode his fear for Rimmer and Kryten. To do it over again, Lister would have taken the stairs, even if it was 15 levels. Thankfully, the lift doors opened and Lister stumbled out, pulling Kryten with him. 

The smell of burning rubber assaulted his senses before he saw the small fire just outside the drive room. Quickly steering Kryten into his chair and handing him the bundle with Rimmer in it, Lister found a fire extinguisher and put out the flames. Eyes watering and coughing from the smoke, he dropped the extinguisher to the floor as he flopped into his chair, feeling his heart pounding in his chest. 

He let his gaze wander the drive room, absently noting the damage. Some of the control panels were burnt and smoking, and of the monitors that were working, most showed static or rolling images he couldn't hope to make out. He wasn't going to be able to scan anything; he'd be lucky if he could order a coffee without blowing up the ship. He half-heartedly tapped at his keyboard, but nothing happened. 

He rubbed at his forehead, feeling the beginnings of a headache. If only he could take a few moments to breathe, or gulp a coffee or two, he could think more clearly. As it was, he was running only on adrenaline; adrenaline fueled by fear for his lover. He would not let Rimmer down. "All right, Kryten," he said absently as he tried to bring up the outside scanners. "What you've got there is Rimmer's light bee. An arc of energy hit him and sent me flying across the room. The air was charged like static electricity, only much more intense. I don't know if Rimmer shut himself off or …" his voice drifted off, then he changed the subject. "What's strong enough to override the ship's shielding? We're built for interstellar travel, right? So why is everything getting zapped?" 

He heard sounds behind him but couldn't make out the words. "What's that?" he asked as he spun his chair around, hoping that Kryten had some ideas. To his dismay, the mechanoid only made a few stutters and starts before sparks shot out of his neck. It was then that Lister felt the hairs on his arms stand up. "Smeg, not again!" He dove for his jacket, hugging it to his chest as energy arcs snapped from ceiling to floor, hitting a few of the computers around him. 

Kryten's body seized as another wave pulsated through the drive room, computers sparking and lights popping above their head. "Kryten!" he yelled, watching helplessly as one of the arcs sliced across Kryten's chest, causing him to thrash about. Static charges raced up Lister's legs and shook his teeth, but he held tight to Rimmer and kept his gaze fixed on Kryten's undulating form, not knowing how to help. 

The energy died down, but still Lister clutched Rimmer to his chest, afraid to let go and risk another wave catching them unaware. "Kryten?" he called shakily. "Kryten, can you hear me?" 

The blackened mark on Kryten's chest was smoking and Lister smelled a lot of burning rubber and metal. Whether it was from Kryten or the consoles, he couldn't say. Probably a bit of both. When the air remained calm for another minute, Lister carefully set Rimmer down in his chair and knelt by Kryten, assessing the damage. "Kryten? Blink if you can hear me." 

Just as a lump was forming in his throat, Kryten's eyes slowly closed and opened. Lister let out the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "Thank smeg. Are you able to talk?" The whirring and clicking he heard as Kryten's jaw opened slightly and froze told him all he needed to know. "That's okay, Krytes. I've fixed you before, I can do it again. I'm going to print off a diagnostic report so I can see what's wrong." He hissed as he touched the report button on Kryten's chest; it was burning hot. Sucking on his finger, he pressed it with his elbow instead. 

The report that printed out of Kryten's chest was long, and Lister closed his eyes against a wave of nausea. If that much damage was done to Kryten, Rimmer must be…he refused to acknowledge the possibility. Rimmer would be fine. Kryten would be fine. He peered at the printout and let it drop from nerveless fingers – it was in binary. Why the smeg would a damage report be printed out in binary, when it was humans that had to repair mechanoids? 

Battling back despair, he tried to remember when last he repaired Kryten, where the voice unit was located. If Kryten could talk, he could assist Lister in repairing himself. A repaired Kryten could help Lister get the sensors working and figure out how to protect them from any more surges. 

One of Kryten's hands was fluttering in his peripheral vision. Thinking it was a spasm, he reached out to steady it, but felt Kryten pushing his hand toward his chest. He met Kryten's gaze and finally realized what the mechanoid was trying to do. "Voice unit's in your chest; right." He should have remembered that. Lister found the release and popped open Kryten's chest plate, immediately falling back on his arse as the stench of burnt wires billowed out at him.

He stared in dismay at the colored wires melted together in clumps. It looked like a leprechaun had thrown up a rainbow inside the mechanoid. "I won't lie to you; it's bad, but at least I won't have to saw you in two to fix you," he admitted. "I'll start your auto-repair cycle, but I'll need my tools to do the delicate work. Will you be okay while I run and get them?" 

It was a stupid thing to ask, but he had to give Kryten hope. When Kryten blinked slowly again, Lister activated the self-repair and pushed himself off the floor. He spared a backwards glance at Rimmer's light bee resting in the chair, then left the drive room. When the lift arrived, it deposited Cat, who was wearing the largest fur coat Lister had ever seen. Impatiently, Lister waited for Cat to exit the lift, as he couldn't hope to get in around him and the fur. 

"Bud, I don’t know how much more of this I can take. My hair just isn't as silky smooth as it should be!" Cat wailed as he studied himself in a handheld mirror. 

"Cat, you were supposed to be getting food and supplies," he said with a resigned sigh. "I should have known you couldn't do it." 

Cat sniffed indignantly. "Like hell, you say." To Lister's astonishment, Cat turned around and pushed a trolley loaded with food packs, water and lager out of the lift. "I raided three vending machines to get this. I'll send you my dry cleaning bill." 

Lister gave him a small smile. "Thanks, man. This'll help a lot." 

As he stepped into the lift, Cat called after him, "Wait, where are you going?"

"To get my tools and engineering books," he replied absently. "Kryten's been hit and I need to fix him." 

Cat slapped his hand to the side of the lift to hold the doors open. "Lister, do you really think I'm that self-centered and stupid?" 

Lister looked at where Cat was pointing to the bottom of the trolley. There, beneath Cat's favorite napping pillow and a folded blanket, was Lister's tool box. Beneath the tool box was one of his advanced engineering books. His eyes filled with tears. "Cat, I could kiss you." 

He got a disgusted look in return. "Save it for Goalpost-head. That train sailed a long time ago," Cat informed him with another sniff. "Now, do I need to do everything around here or are you going to help me unload this stuff?" 

Lister exited the lift and started pushing the trolley. "Sure, anything you say, Cat." He beamed. "Thanks, man. I appreciate it."

Cat adjusted his fur collar. "Just remember this the next time I want fish." 

Still smiling faintly, Lister pushed the trolley to the side of the drive room, then checked on Kryten's auto-repair. It was running, but there was no telling how long it would take or what it would be able to fix. Knowing he couldn't work on Kryten just yet, Lister sat in his chair, looking over the consoles and monitors again. Thin trails of smoke rose from most of them now; the last surge had done plenty more damage. Another hit like that… 

"Cat, can you look out the window and let me know if you see anything unusual outside?" he asked in a flash of inspiration. "We're flying blind without sensors and I need to know what we're heading toward." He rolled to Rimmer's workstation and attempted to call up the ship's logs for the past 24 hours. When that produced nothing but static, his fingers flew over the keyboard, willing the computer to work as he ordered a wide scan of the area. It was then he noticed the pile of paper ejected from the printer beneath Rimmer's station. He tore it off and read as quickly as he could, stomach roiling in horror as the day's events unfolded before him.


	2. Confessions and Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's too quiet on Red Dwarf with Rimmer and Kryten shut down, and Cat off doing Cat-like things. It leaves Lister with too much time to think...and remember.

_It was then he noticed the pile of paper ejected from the printer beneath Rimmer's station. He tore it off and read as quickly as he could, stomach roiling in horror as the day's events unfolded before him._

 

"We're caught in the electromagnetic radiation wake of a neutron star," Lister breathed quietly. "Computer projects three more days before we're in the clear." He put the printout down and pressed his fingers into his eyes, trying to keep himself calm. As bad as Rimmer and Kryten – and the entire ship – were already, they still had to survive three more days of this level of intensity.

"We've got trouble, Bud," Cat reported, his mouth a tight line. "There's an asteroid field ahead to our left. We'll just barely make it past." 

Lister exhaled slowly before removing his hands from his eyes. An asteroid field, filled with thousands of floating targets to barrage the already damaged ship. When he woke up that morning, he had no idea his day would turn to smeg. His desperate glance around the drive room fell to the bundle that held Rimmer's light bee and he shored himself up. He picked up the printouts and began scanning for information on the asteroids. If the scanners were still working to record the electromagnetic wake, then they should have gotten information on the asteroids, too. "Fifty percent M-type asteroids," he read aloud. "Mostly consisting of metallic iron." Engineering jargon raced through his mind, specific details pulled out in bold letters and bright neon colors. He glanced up and grinned wildly. "Cat, we're heading into that field. Help me change course." 

By sheer luck or Lister's will, they turned Red Dwarf directly into the asteroid field. If Lister was right, the metal in the asteroids would provide some protection against the electromagnetic surges, and the ram scoop at the front of the ship would protect them from the worst of the rocky hits. He only hoped the breather would give him enough time. Not only did he need to fix the immediate problems of sensors and the consoles, but because the sensors were down, he had no idea how much of the ship was damaged, on fire, or melted by the surges. He could only concentrate on one thing at a time.

While Kryten's auto-repair continued to run, Lister began work on the internal sensors. Although his engineering courses were geared toward mechanoids, he'd been sticking his fingers into the innards of Red Dwarf for two years. He'd come to understand how the ship was put together, what different coloured wires meant, and what circuits they were hooked up to. As much as he'd resented having to repair the three million plus year-old ship, now he was grateful he'd had the practice. 

He settled himself beneath Rimmer's console with his tools at the ready, and began to trace the burnt-out paths and either reroute them or replace them. He lost himself in the inelegant design, settling into a rhythm of trace, test, strip and connect. By the time his stomach whined with hunger, he couldn't find any more melted or burned wires. He hauled himself to his feet and cracked his back, wincing as sore muscles protested their enforced stillness. 

He tapped the start up sequence for the internal sensors on the keyboard. "Come on, baby," he murmured, coaxing the display. It spluttered and rolled, then the static gave way to a grainy shot of a corridor. "Yes!" he shouted. He typed in another sequence, asking for a search of significant temperature differences within a two meter area, hoping to locate any fires before they spread too far. 

His stomach whined again, so he popped open a beer and dug into a bag of crisps to take the edge off his hunger. He watched the hourglass slowly spin on the monitor, indicating the computer was churning through data. 

The quiet began pressing in on him. The normal sounds of conversation and vids playing were gone, replaced with the dull thumps of asteroids slamming into the ship. With nothing to look at but rolling screens and the hourglass, Lister's gaze fell to the bundle of clothes sat on Rimmer's chair. He could almost hear Rimmer's voice berating him for eating and drinking in the drive room, lamenting the crumbs fallen between the keys in his keyboard. Lister caught himself smiling, then it dropped away. What he wouldn't give to hear a Space Corps Directive smartly delivered right about now. 

His stomach felt queer, so he left the bag of crisps for Cat to finish and slid back under Rimmer's console to start work on the external sensors. He was so engrossed that it took him awhile to notice the smell, but when he did, he banged his head on the console as he attempted to jump up. "Fire!" he yelled, prepared to run for the fire extinguisher – when he saw Cat calmly broiling a fish on a hot plate. 

"What the smeg are you doing?" he shouted, unplugging the hot plate. "We've got electromagnetic interference, Kryten's a mess and Rimmer's shut off!" 

"I'm hungry!" Cat wailed, snatching the cord back and plugging the plate in. "I can't eat cold fish." 

Lister unplugged it again. "Cat," he said, willing his voice to stay calm. "Everything electric is dangerous right now. Anything with one of these," he waved the plug under Cat's nose. "If you plug it in, you could get a severe shock. You could die." When Cat's expression didn't alter from 'annoyed', he tried a different tactic. "If another surge happens, the shock could fry your hair." 

That got an immediate reaction from Cat, who gasped in horror and covered his hair protectively. "No, Bud! I couldn't survive that! I'll stick with krispies until you give the all-clear." 

Relieved but feeling slightly guilty, Lister assured the feline, "I'll be sure to let you know you first thing when it's safe, Cat." He watched Cat walk over to the food trolley, then wiped his exhausted face with his hands. He absently noted that his fingers were covered with tiny burns from the stripped wires and even tinier scabs from where he'd jabbed himself with the bare wires. Dirt and grease were ground into the cracks of his palms. He looked the part of an engineer and almost felt like one. 

Belatedly remembering to check on the scans, he brought up Rimmer's screen and breathed a sigh of relief. Only three sections reported temperature variations, so with fingers crossed, he activated the fire suppression system in those areas, hoping that he'd repaired it sufficiently. He watched with his heart in his throat as the monitors showed the fire being put out in one, then two of the screens. "Come on, come _on_ ," he urged the last area. A sputtering of some kind happened and the fire was at least dampened, even if it wasn't out completely. He watched for a few minutes more, but the fire didn't seem to restart. 

Adrenaline once more winding down, Lister collapsed into his chair and downed the rest of his beer, promptly opening another one. Kryten's voice startled him badly and he spluttered, beer sliding down his chin and soaking his shirt. 

"I would need to check ship's scans to determine the source of the energy surges. Oh, my," Kryten continued, looking perplexed. "I seem to have forgotten the question to my answer." 

Lister wiped off his chin as he grinned, taking in the sight of the mechanoid functioning again. "Kryten, you're back!" His smile of elation slowly faded as Kryten remained seated stiffly. 

"I appear to be unable to move my arms or legs or head or hands...processing." Kryten's eyes rolled to the back of his head for a moment. "Auto-repair unable to continue. Voice unit repaired, mobility unit 12 percent, vision 73 percent, cognitive functions 70 percent; overall repair at 42 percent completed." 

Lister set his foaming beer on the console. "Well, that's something, I suppose. I can start work on repairing the rest of you as soon as you're up to it. What would you like me to fix first?" 

"I would appreciate the ability to move, sir," Kryten informed him. "It's quite restrictive only being able to see directly in front of me, and yesterday's laundry is still unironed." 

Lister went to retrieve his tools from beneath Rimmer's console. "The laundry can wait, Kryten. We've got bigger problems." He set the box at Kryten's feet. "We've drifted into the electromagnetic wake of a neutron star. We won't be past it for at least three more days." 

"That is troubling," Kryten mused. "I take it that's what caused my malfunctions?" 

Lister sighed and began to separate the melted clump of wires in Kryten's chest. "You were hit by an arc of energy that nearly sliced you in half. It's probably better that you can't see the state of the drive room. You'd go into overdrive wanting to clean." 

Despite Kryten's limited movement, Lister could tell he was agitated. "Oh, sir, is it really as bad as all that? I shouldn't be lazing about when there's work to be done. Where are Cat and Mr. Rimmer?" 

"Cat's off eating and Rimmer…" Lister froze for a few seconds, then jerked his head toward Rimmer's chair. "Rimmer's light bee is over there." He avoided looking at Kryten's face, instead concentrating on detangling the wires.

"His light bee?" Kryten echoed, but Lister remained tight-lipped. He couldn't think about Rimmer now; not when he had to repair the mess that was Kryten's innards. 

Oblivious to Lister's silence, Kryten asked, "Was he injured, sir?" 

Lister struggled to steady the wire shaking between his fingers. "I don't know," he whispered. "A surge hit us and sent me flying across the room. He was…like that…when I opened my eyes." 

Kryten was silent a blessed moment, where Lister began to lose himself in sorting the wiring. He fumbled the wire stripper at Kryten's quiet, "Are you all right, sir?" 

Lister steadied himself, then shrugged. "As good as can be expected, considering our shielding isn't worth smeg right now," he answered, deliberately misinterpreting Kryten's question. It was only in the past year that Kryten had come to accept that Lister loved Rimmer, and that Rimmer was capable of loving him back. Kryten and Rimmer still held some animosity toward each other, but for Lister's sake, they were edging toward civility. 

He felt Kryten's gaze on him and sighed, resting his hands on Kryten's chest. "It's tearing me up, seeing him like this. I don't know if he's alive, if he can hear me, if he's damaged or aware of his surroundings. We never talked about what it was like when he was shut off, because he hasn't been shut off in over fifteen years. I hope it's like sleeping," he admitted. "I hope he's having a nice dream and when I activate his bee, he won't remember anything about this mess."

Kryten was quiet again, then said, "I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you. Mr. Rimmer's hard light drive is unique, and only Legion knew how it truly worked." 

Lister shook himself out of his lethargy and stripped the new wire in his hand in preparation of changing out a burnt one. "It's all right, man. Alls we can do is hope, now." 

Kryten fell silent and Lister lost himself in the repairs, only noticing the hum in the air when the hairs on his arm stood up. "Not again," he muttered, looking about for some sort of protection. Seeing none, he braced himself as best he could. The surge that came through was minor, only sending the monitors into rolling screens for a moment before they came back online. He breathed out. "That was close. Guess those asteroids are protecting us." 

"Asteroids?" Kryten asked. 

Lister selected another burnt wire. "Yeah, Cat and I steered the ship into an asteroid field. About half were iron-based; I figured it would help deflect some of the surges." 

"An excellent idea, sir," Kryten praised. 

"Yeah, I'm full of excellence nowadays," Lister remarked dryly, yelping as he stabbed his finger with a wire. He stuck the digit in his mouth and immediately gagged; it tasted like burnt rubber and ashes. He reached for his beer and took a long swallow. When he set it down and picked up the wire stripper again, a chill shook him. "Is it getting colder in here?" 

Kryten's eyes rolled back in his head as he accessed his processor. "Unable to ascertain, sir. My internal climate and temperature gauge is offline."

Lister felt gooseflesh raise on his arms and shivered. "Definitely getting colder. I think the heating unit's offline," he mused. "I woke up last night and pulled up more blankets because I was cold. I was supposed to check on it," he said absently, remembering the light show that danced over Rimmer. He eyed his jacket with the faintest of longing, but he refused to take what he thought was Rimmer's only defense against the electricity. Instead, he stole Cat's blanket from the trolley, draping it across his shoulders as he resumed his repair task. 

After about another hour, Lister couldn't deny it any longer: the temperature _was_ dropping. His teeth were chattering and he could see his breath in the air. The Cat seemed unaffected under his mountain of a fur coat; his only complaint concerned the food selection they were left with. Looking in dismay at the unfinished wiring mess in Kryten's chest, Lister pushed himself to his feet. "Kryten, I hate to leave you like this, but I have to get the heat working or me and Cat will freeze to death." 

"Speak for yourself, Bud," Cat intoned as he nibbled on a biscuit. "I'm as warm as a baby kangaroo stuffed inside it's mama's pouch!" 

"Cheers, man," Lister remarked, barely keeping his sarcasm in check. "Are you going to come with me to repair the heating unit, or are you going to stuff your face until you pop?" 

Cat grinned, showing his incisors. "I'll be there in spirit!" 

"Don't worry about me, sir," Kryten replied gamely. "I'll be just fine until your return. I'll catalog the necessary repairs still needed to my system, then I'll survey the drive room and take notes on what needs doing." 

Too weary to argue or agree with either of them, Lister merely nodded. With a heavy sigh, he repacked his tool kit and shuffled to the lift, dreading the hour and a half trip down to the ventilation deck. Before he left the drive room, he glanced back at his jacket with Rimmer nestled inside. His feet took him over to the chair and he scooped up Rimmer, carrying him under his arm as he pressed the lift call button. 

Within a minute, he was sprawled on the bench, fighting to stay awake. The rhythmic pulses of light signaling another floor descended were hypnotizing, and he startled himself awake as he nearly slid off the bench. 

He sat up, shook his head and blinked his eyes rapidly, forcing himself to stay awake. It was too quiet and he soon felt his eyelids drooping again. "I miss talking to you," he said aloud. His voice sounded overly loud in the enclosed lift, but he continued to talk to the bundle sat next to him. "I know we don't always have something important to say, but even shooting the smeg is worth it to hear your voice. I know I used to call it whiney and nasally, and it sometimes still is – but only when you're really scared." He swallowed and pressed his folded hands together between his knees. "The last time I heard that tone was when I smegged up and left you for that GELF-planet. I swear I didn't do it to hurt you, and I know you forgave me – but I've never forgiven myself. I've always smegged up the best things in my life: Lise Yates; Kochanski; you. I'm never satisfied with what I have, always looking for something better. Only there isn't much better than you out there, Arnold. And I'm not just saying that because we haven't found another human being; I'm saying it because it's true. Holly may have brought you back to keep me sane, but I think he had a plan all along. He knew you were the one person who could challenge me. He knew we were like oil and vinegar, or oil and – hell, you'd know." He sent a wry half-smile to Rimmer's light bee. 

"I always had my head in the clouds, and you had your feet firmly planted on the deck. We met in the middle every time, didn't we? Even when we was arguing, there was something beneath it, something we weren't ready for. I was just beginning to realize it when Ace came along that second time and you took over for him. I know you don't ever want to talk about it, but I do, and now you can't stop me." 

It was with slight bitterness that Lister began to say what he'd held inside for nearly fifteen years. "It was your choice all along, Rimmer. I only made you see that you _could_ do it, that you had that potential inside you. In the end, it was your decision to leave, and I respect that. I always have. You grew up, Rimmer, and you took that responsibility to heart. I was so proud of you for facing your fears and stepping up. That's when I realized that I loved you." 

He watched the lights pulse in the windows for a moment before he continued. "It nearly killed me not having you around. As much as I wanted you to go fulfill your dream, I was lost without you around. No one else could press my buttons like you could; no one could get on my pecks with a look or a sneer. Without that back and forth, I fell into a kind of depression. I dreamed of you coming back, light-hearted and fun and joking; the Rimmer I suspected was underneath all the crap from your parents. I made you promise never to leave us again, and then we kissed." He let out a shuddered sigh at the memory. "I told Kryten about the dream and he nearly went into meltdown trying to fix me. He didn't understand that I didn't want fixing, so he used your diaries to create this AR ride called the Rimmer Experience. Only you, Rimmer, could take this everyday, mundane life of ours and turn it into an adventure." He shook his head, remembering his initial outrage at the wildly disproportionate heroics of one Arnold J. Rimmer. "I went through the ride at least once a week, though I never told Kryten. It made me feel like you were still around, you know? It was your words that Kryten used to build it, so it was like a part of you was still there. I had to let go of golf clubs and shoe trees, but I had my Experience to go back to. It kept me sane while you were gone, Rimmer." 

He smiled sadly. "Then you came back to me, but it was nothing like my dream. You were angry and wouldn't talk to anyone for weeks, not even to snipe at me. When you finally told me what happened, what you went through…" his voice trailed off and he blinked back tears. "I never blamed you for quitting. Never. It wasn't cowardly; it was one of the bravest things you've ever done, next to choosing to become Ace in the first place. It takes a strong man to know when his time is up, and you done us proud, Rimmer. You did yourself proud, and I know it took even longer for you to admit that to yourself." 

Lister leaned over until he could stretch out on the bench, hugging the bundle to his chest. "Don't leave us, Rimmer," he murmured. "I won't survive losing you again. Once in a lifetime is all you get, miladdo. No taksies backsies." His eyelids grew heavier and he kept them closed for longer than a blink, eventually leaving them closed. He felt the corners of his mouth curl up in a smile as he thought he heard Rimmer's voice murmur in his ear, "Never, smeghead."


	3. Words as Weapons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rimmer's weapon of choice had always been his mouth. Sneers belittled and tongue-lashing eviscerated lesser men. Lister was not lesser men.

Rimmer's weapon of choice had always been his mouth. Vitriol was spewed with deadly precision. Disdain dripped from every syllable. Sarcasm knew no bounds. Sneers belittled and tongue-lashing eviscerated lesser men. 

Lister was not lesser men. He stood his ground and met Rimmer taunt for taunt, name-calling for name-calling. Their intimate word-dance continued through death and life, separation and reunion; the longest stretch of foreplay in the history of mankind. Rimmer had learned to appreciate foreplay, then he became a master of it, to Lister's unending pleasure. 

Lister's hands were buried in Rimmer's hair, massaging Rimmer's scalp as both thank you and encouragement as kisses were sucked down his neck. His single remaining shirt was rucked up, exposing his chest to Rimmer's ministrations. He hummed his approval as Rimmer's teeth nipped his skin, then soothed the area with his tongue. 

Yes, Rimmer's mouth was a weapon, and Lister was the willing target. 

The drive room was quiet. Kryten was on down time and Cat was asleep after a full day of tracking space weevils. Lister wasn't sure what had started this moment away from work, but he emptied his mind and raised his hips as Rimmer's hands pulled his trousers down. 

Gazes locking as Rimmer knelt in front of him, Lister was overcome by a wave of possessiveness. He hauled Rimmer upward and devoured his mouth, chasing the faint taste of nicotine that always lingered after Rimmer licked his skin. When they parted, his hand was tight in Rimmer's hair, while Rimmer clutched at his thigh. 

"Need you," Rimmer gasped on a ragged breath. 

He could only nod, his voice stolen along with his breath. He watched through hooded eyes as Rimmer again knelt between his splayed legs, a hissed breath escaping as the point of Rimmer's tongue licked up the inside of his thigh. 

Lister slouched further down his chair as Rimmer sucked on the head of his erection, then inhaled sharply as fingers stroked beneath his balls and teased at his ass. It took all of Lister's willpower not to thrust upward and bury himself in Rimmer's throat. His soft groans began to merge with Rimmer's quickening breaths, edging out the silence. 

Rimmer sucked him down a few times, getting Lister's erection slick with spit before pulling off and blowing cool air across the head, sending Lister sliding off the chair. 

"Wha--?" Lister muttered as he picked himself off the floor. He looked around, bewildered. He wasn't in the drive room; he was in a lift. He was dressed, he was alone…and the air was _cold_. When his gaze fell on his jacket, the events of that morning came crashing back. 

He fell back on his ass, unable to believe he'd _dreamed_ that. Reality was a harsh slap across his cheek: Rimmer's light bee was deactivated or dead, Kryten was in shambles, the ship was half-hobbled and Lister had to fix the heating unit or risk freezing to death. 

It took him a few moments to shake the dream and focus on the task he'd traveled half the ship to do. Still a bit unnerved, Lister pushed himself to his feet and rewrapped the blanket around his shoulders. He gathered up his jacket, feeling to make sure Rimmer's light bee was still there, then pushed thoughts of Rimmer from his mind. He had to concentrate on fixing the heat and securing the ship as best he could to ensure they all made it through alive. He retrieved his toolbox from the floor and headed toward the heating unit. 

A good hour later, he'd located and replaced the burnt out circuit that caused the unit to shut off. Breathing a sigh of relief as the heating unit powered up, he stretched and flexed his stiff fingers. Used to slight-of-hand card tricks and crocheting, now his fingers were cracked and bleeding from the extreme cold and constant pokes with exposed wires. He tucked his hands under his armpits to try to warm them up as he stomped his feet, getting circulation back in his legs. 

With nothing to do but wait until the unit restarted, his traitorous mind returned to the dream. It had felt so _real_ , as though Rimmer's lips had just left his skin. That had happened, what, nearly three years ago? Before the disrepair of _Red Dwarf_ had become critical; before they had to alternate shifts to get the most work done. Before they spent more time apart than toget– 

He gasped and doubled over as his stomach cramped something awful. Stupid, smegging idiot – he'd barely eaten anything all day. It hadn't occurred to him to grab something before the trip down to the ventilation deck, and he didn't know where the nearest vending machine was. He wrapped his arms around his stomach as it twisted on itself, looking around for something…his gaze fell to his jacket. He carefully unfolded it and searched the pockets, yelping in triumph as he located a half-eaten bag of licorice. He gulped it down, though it did nothing to curb his stomach's protest. 

Not wanting to leave Rimmer's light bee exposed in case another surge came through, he picked it up and immediately wrapped his hands around it. It was _warm_ , sending tendrils of relief through his chilled hands. "Thanks, Rimmer," he murmured. 

While he held the light bee, a horrendous screech signaled the heating unit was back online. He held Rimmer for a few minutes more, telling himself it was because he needed to stay near the unit to ensure it was working properly. His stomach protested again and reluctantly, he wrapped the light bee back in Rimmer's pyjamas and securely wrapped his jacket around the cotton. 

He repacked his tool kit, checked the area again to make sure he wasn't leaving anything behind, then called the lift to take him back to the drive room.

=-=-=

Lister wasn't sure what had started this moment away from work. He watched through hooded eyes as Rimmer knelt between his splayed legs, a hissed breath escaping as the point of Rimmer's tongue licked up the inside of his thigh. 

Lister slouched further down his chair as Rimmer sucked on the head of his erection, then inhaled sharply as fingers stroked beneath his balls and teased at his ass. The tongue that could flay a man alive flicked delicately along the shaft, and it took all of Lister's willpower not to thrust upward and bury himself in Rimmer's throat. His soft groans began to merge with Rimmer's quickening breaths, edging out the silence. 

Rimmer sucked him down a few times, getting Lister's erection slick with spit before pulling off and blowing cool air across the head, causing Lister to bite his fist to keep from shouting. 

Rimmer's eyes darkened with arousal. "Do you know how turned on I get, watching you?" 

"Got an idea, yeah," Lister rasped as his body demanded Rimmer get back to what he'd been doing. He groaned as Rimmer stilled his hips with his hands. "Don’t tease, you bastard." 

Rimmer knelt up and pressed a soft kiss to his open mouth. "It isn't teasing if I follow through." 

His eyes locked on Rimmer's form as his lover stood and undid the button and zip of his trousers. Lister wet his lips as Rimmer pushed his trousers and pants down his thighs, then sat his bare ass down in his chair. "Come here, David." 

He didn't know what it was about the way Rimmer said his full name, but it sent an aching need through his entire body, one that could only be satisfied by Rimmer. Lister pushed himself unsteadily to his feet, unable to tear his gaze away from his lover. It was indecent, it was: Rimmer's upper half still buttoned up tight in the blue tunic, the front panel lifted with the tip of his erection peeking out and his trousers around his ankles. 

The cool air of the drive room drifted across Lister's exposed skin, raising gooseflesh. He shivered, both at the air and Rimmer's heated gaze. "How do you want me?" he asked, voice deepened with lust. He bit back a moan as Rimmer's tongue darted out to wet his lips. 

"Any way I can get you, for the rest of our lives," Rimmer answered shakily, grasping Lister's hips and pulling him forward. Rimmer licked his belly, then turned him around, licking the hollow at the base of his spine. 

As Lister felt a long, slick finger slide into him, he leaned forward, bracing himself against the console. Not for the first time, Lister sent up a silent thank you to Rimmer's parents for enrolling him in the Space Scouts. A Space Scout was always prepared, which meant Rimmer always had lube at hand, ready to be used at a moment's notice. Lister moaned softly with each movement of Rimmer's fingers. It wasn't long before his legs started to shake with the effort of holding himself upright. "Now…please…" he begged.

Anticipation built as Rimmer angled his hips downward. His breath hitched as he felt the first push of Rimmer's erection at his stretched hole. Lister gripped the armrests and sank down with trembling thighs, pausing when it got too much. 

He felt Rimmer's fingers dig deep into the flesh of his hips. "Too much. Too turned on," was panted harshly against the back of his neck. 

He adjusted his grip on the armrests and grunted, "Move your ass, then." 

He wasn't prepared for the force of Rimmer's thrust, crying out as Rimmer nearly seated himself fully in his ass. "Shit," he gasped, barely able to adjust before Rimmer raised him up, then slammed Lister back down on his erection. He couldn't speak; couldn't even remember how to form words as the burn of Rimmer's penetration began to spread outward. He collapsed back against the solid chest, Rimmer's labored breathing loud against his ear. 

"You turn me on any more, Lister, and I'll explode," Rimmer growled in his ear, punctuating it with a rock of his hips that settled Lister's ass on his naked thighs. 

Unbearable fullness competed with the overwhelming connection he felt with Rimmer right then, the strain on his body causing sweat to break out of every pore. He whimpered as the rough texture of Rimmer's sleeve dragged across his sensitized skin, then he could only choke out strangled sounds as Rimmer scratched fingernails over his exposed nipple. Sweat began to form where their thighs were stuck together, Lister's overheated skin threatening to boil off his bones. 

"Do you know what turns me on about you, Lister?" Rimmer's words whispered across his skin, heightening his already acute senses. "The way you drown yourself in pleasure. Every tease; every touch sends you into orbit. Your skin," Lister shuddered as Rimmer's fingertip circled his nipple, "aches for me to touch it. Your eyes beg me to take you; make you mine." 

Lister's heart was pounding erratically in his chest, the thumps surely loud enough for Rimmer to hear. His head swam in the sensual haze that Rimmer was creating, so it wasn't until he felt himself being shifted that he realized he'd been begging, "Fuck me. Please – fuck…" 

With a roll of his hips, Rimmer hit his sweet spot. Lister groaned loudly and went nearly boneless, held in place only by Rimmer's cock, hands and chest. And mouth, as he felt teeth bite his shoulder. The pain shot straight through his body to feed his weeping erection. He'd all but forgotten it, so lost in the sensations coursing through him. He arched his back as Rimmer thrust again, sinking even deeper inside him. 

Tears leaked out of his tightly closed eyes, but not from pain. It was as though Rimmer was claiming him all over again, a declaration of love and possessiveness that caused his heart to leap into his throat. Rather than feel used, he met Rimmer's rough thrusts with enthusiasm, twisting his hips the way he knew Rimmer liked, drawing a shuddering groan from his lover. 

When he felt the change in Rimmer's breathing signaling his orgasm, Lister found the strength to grip his own neglected erection, overstimulated but unable to stop himself. His fingers tightened as, "Fuck, that turns me on," was groaned into his ear. 

Rimmer angled his head and they kissed messily, Lister nipping at Rimmer's lips as he started stroking himself. 

Rimmer's voice was a low rumble that he felt in his chest. "Smegging gorgeous is what you are. Love to watch you stroke yourself. Turns me oh–" Rimmer's voice broke off with a choked cry.

Lister closed his eyes as he felt Rimmer pulsing inside him, hips thrusting erratically and an arm tight across his chest. It would have been stifling if not for Rimmer's breathless gasps of, "Love, you," as he rode out his orgasm. 

Feeling his lover come inside him, feeling the pounding of Rimmer's heart against his back, nearly set Lister off. He stroked his erection hard and fast, wanting to be there with Rimmer. Completion was dancing at the edge of his vision; he could taste it but couldn't quite reach it. He bit out a frustrated moan that turned high-pitched as Rimmer's hand closed over his on his erection. Lister raised his head from Rimmer's shoulder to stare at their joined hands working his cock. 

Rimmer was still catching his breath, but his words set Lister's skin tingling. "It's always turned me on, watching you masturbate." 

"Fuck, Rimmer," he said, groaning as Rimmer twisted their hands over the tip of his erection. He could barely breathe as the build up of his orgasm began. "Come-coming…" 

"Smeg – fuck – turn me on," Rimmer gasped, then came a second time, burying himself deeply in Lister. 

Hips bucking wildly, Lister screamed as he came over their joined hands, a supernova exploding inside of him. Rimmer's voice was in his head, in his heart: "Remember this, David. Remember how you turn me on."

Lister felt the hot sting of tears as he clung to the fading echoes of Rimmer's final words. He still felt Rimmer inside of him as he blinked his eyes open. The stark, white wall of the lift stared back at him and he nearly screamed; it had been another dream-memory. The vividness was surreal, the tastes and smells and textures as real to him as – he sat up and stared down at the bench. The jacket he'd been laying on. His head had been pillowed on his jacket, which was wrapped around Rimmer's light bee. Could Rimmer be trying to communicate with him? 

"Rimmer?" he said, his voice unsteady. He was still shaking with the memory of that orgasm and how Rimmer had claimed him. Weeks of tentative dancing around each other had cumulated in that night, a reconciliation after Lister had moved back in and Rimmer had forgiven him completely for his visit to the pleasure-GELF planet. It was a strong memory, and now that he could think about it, he saw that the dream didn't quite match up with his memories. Rimmer had never admitted to watching him masturbate. Neither had Rimmer ever uttered the words, "You turn me on." It was something that was said in pornos and cheesy romance novels, and it stood out as strange in his dream-memory. The repeated use could only mean one thing: a message from Rimmer. 

He rested his hand on his jacket, feeling a smile nearly crack his face. "Love, if you're trying to tell me to activate your light bee, I got the message loud and clear. I want to wait until I get back to the drive room, though. I want to see if the internal scans can access your bee and let me know if it's damaged. If that doesn't work, I'll see if the medi bot is functioning and take you down there. I know it's not want you want to hear, but I'm going by the books on this one. I won't turn you on until I'm as sure as I can be that you're okay." 

His smile transformed to a smirk as he stroked the jacket. "And for the record, I'm turned on by you reading, breathing, sighing, sleeping, typing, talking…everything you do, because it's _you_. I love you, Rimmer. And when you're back in our bed, we're going to have a crash course on how to properly talk dirty, because that was smegging awful." 

=-=-=-=

Lister pressed the activation button on the light bee and set it on the floor. He scooted his chair back, giving Rimmer enough space to regenerate. The few scans he was able to perform reported that things looked normal with the light bee, but he couldn't be sure of their accuracy. He hadn't fully repaired Kryten yet, and the medi bot had only basic functionality, so it was the internal scanners that Lister was relying on. 

He chewed on his thumbnail as the bee lifted off from the ground and hovered in mid-air. He leaned forward as a human shape began to form around it. Swirls of light surrounded the shape, sparking white and blue and gold. When they faded, Rimmer stood before him, eyes closed and features relaxed as though he were sleeping. 

By design or by fate, Rimmer wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing, so Lister was able to inventory fingers, toes and other vital appendages – all accounted for. It wasn't until he was sure that all of Rimmer had activated correctly that he noticed the odd colour to Rimmer's skin. It was grayish, but not a solid color; he could have sworn he saw it moving. Peering closer, he was able to make out the black and white specks dancing over the surface of Rimmer's skin – like static on the monitors.

Feeling his heart stick in his throat, he reached out to touch Rimmer. When his fingers didn't stop against Rimmer's skin, he cried out in anguish, "No!" 

At his shout, Rimmer's eyes flew open. The initial blankness gave way to confusion, then recognition as Rimmer locked gazes with him. "Liiii-st-y," he stuttered, then frowned. 

Even without the confirmation of a red uniform, it was clear that Rimmer had reactivated in soft light mode. Lister didn't know if it was a setting that could be changed or was just the way that light bees reactivated. At hearing the same vocal problems as before, Lister's heart sank even further. "Do you remember what's happened?" he asked, barely able to speak above a whisper. 

Rimmer shook his head. "Nooo—yes," he corrected as his face lit up. "Enerrrrgy. Ship dnnngr." Lister couldn't get a good look at his face as Rimmer turned his head away, and could barely make out the final word that Rimmer uttered: "Hurt." 

He swallowed around the lump in his throat. "You were hurt, yes. An arc of energy slammed into you as I was touching you. I was thrown back and you were – you –" he still couldn't say it, not even with Rimmer stood before him. 

Rimmer eyes flicked to his, their depths pained. "Em—r--gen-cy autoff," he stated. "Protect from ovrrrrlod." 

He almost couldn't stand to listen to Rimmer, after all the wishing that he could hear his voice again. It just reminded him that Rimmer was still injured. "Should you be talking, Rimmer? I mean, do you need to recharge or something?" 

Rimmer shrugged helplessly, then seemed to notice he was completely naked. "Clothes?" he squeaked and covered his groin with his hands. "Where meeeeyyy clothes?" 

"You reactivated in soft light, Rimmer," Lister said quietly, hating that he had to tell Rimmer. "I wish I could give you your clothes, but…" 

Rimmer closed his eyes, but not before Lister saw the sheen of frustrated tears. "Want to touch you." 

His fingers flexed in his palms. "I want to touch you, too, Rimmer. I know it's only been a few days, but I've missed you." 

Lister thought his hearing was playing tricks on him – he was sure that Rimmer's voice was getting stronger. "Could touch you in memories. Used the strongest memory I had to send message." 

"The drive room, three years ago," Lister confirmed. If he was hearing things, then he was seeing things, too: Rimmer's skin appeared to be taking on a healthy glow. Nervous energy flitted in his stomach. "All that talk about turning you on wasn't part of the memory, so I figured it was you trying to talk to me. But you'd never told me you watched me jerk off. Was that real, Rimmer?" 

Lister watched in fascination as a faint pink blush crept along Rimmer's pale cheeks. "About three years after Holly woke us up. The loneliness of space was getting to you, with just me and Cat for company. I knew you couldn't handle another row with me for distraction, so I said I was going to the cinema. I was only gone an hour or so, then I poked my head through our door. You had your trousers pushed halfway down your thighs, masturbating so hard I was sure you'd rip the skin right off. But the little hitches in your moans that said you were _enjoying_ it. Just when I thought you were going to go off, you'd slow down and reach with your other hand to play with your balls." 

Lister barely remembered the time that Rimmer was talking about, so he let him continue, his heart lifting as only a slight echo remained of Rimmer's vocal problems. 

Rimmer was so enraptured with the memory that he'd apparently even forgot he was standing naked in their quarters, not that Lister minded in the slightest. "I'd never seen anyone masturbate before. I could barely watch myself do it, liking it better when my eyes were screwed shut. But you – your face was soft with pleasure. I wondered what it was that I'd been doing wrong, so I copied your movements." 

Lister inched closer the further into the memory Rimmer got, both of them breathing deeper. "I didn't remember undoing my fly or wrapping my hand around my dick, but I stroked when you stroked, I rubbed when you rubbed. That little trick with your thumb was – and the way you sucked on your finger before teasing around–" 

Lister's mouth was on Rimmer's, and they were kissing. Lister was touching a very solid Rimmer, a very naked Rimmer, who was kissing him back. 

It was all the kisses they couldn't share, it was all the emotion of the past few days. It was the struggle and the fear and the danger. Lister crushed the curly hair between his fingers as he grasped Rimmer's head, his other hand mapping Rimmer's skin. It was like relearning him all over again; their first night together. The first taste; the first touch. The first whispered words in the dark. 

"I love you," Rimmer kissed the words into his neck. 

"I love you," he licked into the skin of Rimmer's shoulder. 

Rimmer nibbled on his ear and rasped, "Clothes off, now. Need you." 

Complying in the fastest, clumsiest way possible, Lister worked to get his pants off over his boots. Giving up on that task, he yanked his shirts over his head, only releasing Rimmer's mouth when the fabric hit his chin, and only long enough to get it past his nose. He was half-pushed, half-dragged over to their bed, hands scrambling for purchase on Rimmer's shoulders as he was unceremoniously dumped on their unmade bed. 

Before he could catch his breath, Rimmer's weight was on him, devouring his mouth. He stroked down Rimmer's back to grasp his ass, holding him in place as he rocked his hips up, sliding their erections against one another. Lister knew it would be quick and dirty; he had no patience and no control, and it seemed Rimmer was in a similar state. 

Nothing was enough; not taste, not feel, not smell. Rimmer's hand wrapped around his dreads and pulled his head back, exposing his neck for biting kisses. He arched up and raked his nails down Rimmer's back, just along his spine. It was Rimmer's most sensitive area and his breathing changed instantly as his orgasm overtook him. 

Lister held him close as Rimmer cried out, pulsating between them. His own orgasm was building up at the base of his spine. Rimmer's hips sliding against his erection one last time was the trigger Lister needed. He dug his fingertips into Rimmer's shoulders as he climaxed, only able to make choked sounds as he rode out the pleasure. 

When he could breathe properly again, he felt Rimmer's heavy gaze on him. "I'd forgotten," Rimmer said quietly. 

"Didn't feel like it to me," Lister purred as he rubbed his hand on Rimmer's stomach, smearing their combined mess into his skin. 

Rimmer stilled his hand. "Not that. What Ace – I had done." With a sigh, Rimmer laid on his back and laced their fingers together over his chest. "I found the space station where I got my hard light drive, only the scientists there had developed it much faster than in our dimension. Rather that dying off and leaving Legion to go insane, the scientists were hard light holograms and continued their work for centuries. They made astonishing breakthroughs in chemistry, physics, microbiology and technology. They asked for my help against the Simulants, who took offense to their improving the human race. In return, they gave me an upgraded bee." Rimmer tapped their joined hands on his chest. "It's still not indestructible, but it has an auto shut-off and auto-repair. When it sensed the overload, it shut down. I'd forgotten about the auto-repair. It's not like I could feel it working…" 

Lister silenced him with a soft kiss. "Doesn't matter," he said. "You're okay, and that's all I care about. You came back to me." 

"I never went away," Rimmer protested gently. "I was merely – indisposed for a short time." 

Lister sighed tiredly and rubbed his face in the pillow. "Don't argue with me, Rimmer." 

A sly smile curved Rimmer's lips. "How will we have fantastic make-up sex if we don't argue?" 

He groaned. "We can have fantastic sex without the arguing or making up, all right? Promise." 

He felt arms snake around his shoulders, and he turned willingly into Rimmer's embrace. "I'm holding you to that promise, miladdo." 

As much as he'd love to lose himself in Rimmer, his responsibilities to Kryten and the ship wouldn't let him in good conscience. "Later, Arnold. We still have Kryten to repair, and the rest of the computer mainframe to look over. Plus our kitchenette is destroyed…" He was silenced with a firm but loving kiss. 

Rimmer's eyes were shining in the half-light of their quarters. "I'll agree to fixing Kryten straight away, but the rest can wait. All I want to do is hold you, David, to prove you're real." 

After the dreams and memories, Lister couldn't deny his lover that. With a contented sigh, he drifted to sleep, Rimmer's arms wrapped around him. 

=-=-=-=-=

Lister was dragged out of sleep by sensations dancing across his skin. He arched into the light touches, silently begging for more. As he pried his eyes open, the first thing he saw was the top of Rimmer's head. At the same time, he felt the brush of Rimmer's lips against his chest and moaned softly. 

He felt Rimmer's smile against his skin. "Good afternoon, sleepyhead." 

Lister's hands went immediately to Rimmer's hair, burying his fingers in the soft curls. "What'cha doing down there, Arnold?" he drawled, his voice still thick with sleep. He gasped as teeth closed over a nipple. 

"Waking you up so I can have my wicked way with you," Rimmer informed him calmly as he continued to nibble at Lister's skin. 

Lister felt his cheeks push up as he grinned. He was happy to feel his legs were freed from his tangled trousers, so he rubbed his foot up the back of Rimmer's thigh. "Wicked way, eh? I don't know if you have it in you, Rimmer. Remember that dirty talk you attempted in the dream? It was pretty lame." 

Rimmer lifted his head and his bright green gaze lasered into his. "That was to convey a message. I assure you, _David_ , I'm more than capable of dirty talk. I'm just not sure if you can handle it." 

He snorted despite the shiver that coursed through him. "Rimmer, the day I can't handle you talking is the day I give up my guitar." Too late, he realized it was a set-up. 

Rimmer's smile could only be described as evil. "It's a bet, then. Only…" 

Lister grew nervous. "Only what?" 

Rimmer hitched himself up to ghost his lips over Lister's. "Neither of us is touching your erection. You'll come without any direct stimulation." 

The nervous feeling churned Lister's stomach unpleasantly, but he did the best he could to keep it out of his expression. "You think you can keep your hands off of it? I know how much you love sucking me down."

Rimmer's eyes flared hot and bright with desire. "Oh, I do, Lister. But I'm determined to watch you fall apart without either of us touching it." Rimmer interlaced their fingers and pushed Lister's left arm above his head. His lips brushed Lister's again. "I'll have far more fun touching the rest of you." 

The fluttery feeling in Lister's stomach subsided as Rimmer hummed against his skin, something he was familiar with. The slight vibrations sent pleasant sensations along his skin, and he closed his eyes as he felt the brush of Rimmer's hair against his cheek. 

He jumped slightly as he felt Rimmer's breath against his ear. "You're such a hedonist. You love it when my lips brush your skin." His back arched as Rimmer's mouth traveled down his neck to his collarbone. "You arch into it every time, your body begging for more." Rimmer pressed a kiss in the hollow of his throat. "I can feel your pulse race beneath your skin." 

"Shit, Rimmer," he gasped as he tilted his head back, feeling his erection begin to fill. 

A quiet laugh against his throat. "Giving up so easily? That's not like you at all," Rimmer drawled, his tongue flicking out to drag along Lister's Adam's apple. 

Lister's heart was pounding in his chest, and Rimmer had barely touched him. He was beginning to suspect he was going to lose, and lose spectacularly. "Not a chance," he ground out between clenched teeth. He'd be damned if he went down without a fight. He struggled to regulate his breathing as Rimmer mapped his chest with alternating lips, teeth and tongue.

Each touch began to blend into the rest, a continuous sensuous haze that left him drunker than any GELF hooch. He felt each of Rimmer's fingers as they stroked lightly down his arm, the pads of his fingers leaving gooseflesh in their wake. He jerked as they tweaked a nipple, then gasped as they twisted it sharply, a dark chuckle coming from his tormentor. 

"You always were a kinky bastard," Rimmer teased him. He shuddered as Rimmer's tongue flicked out to lick his skin. "I bet, if we really started experimenting, I'd be shocked by what you'd admit to enjoying." Lister felt Rimmer's chuckle deep in his chest. "There are worse things than ties, Lister. And gags. And blindfolds." 

Lister's eyes had been closed, but as Rimmer continued to dredge up memories, they flew open and his breath caught in his chest. His eyes locked on Rimmer, who was staring at him from a crouched position over his supine body, the green eyes nearly black with desire. "Have a heart, Rimmer," he croaked as he snaked his hand down to his groin and his straining erection. 

Rimmer's hand caught his wrist and pressed it firmly to the mattress. "No," he said quietly. "One thing you never did well was take orders. You love giving them, but you don't like obeying them." 

He struggled against Rimmer's grip, but Rimmer's strength could be inhuman if he chose. Lister moaned softly and dug his fingers into the sheets to ground himself. 

He bristled at Rimmer's, "That's a good boy." 

"I'm not a dog," Lister snapped, feeling heat on his cheeks. At Rimmer's next words, his embarrassment turned into an arousal so strong that it left him shaking: "A collar would suit you." 

Rimmer's mouth covered his and he sucked eagerly at the tongue that slicked against his, nipping at Rimmer's lips until he felt the warmth of blood. 

He opened his eyes in defiance, though the slow turn his stomach did at watching Rimmer lick blood off his lips nearly had him whimpering. Rimmer seemed oblivious to his torment. "I see you like that, but I'm afraid that will have to wait for a later time. Right now, I have plans for you that involve using that throat of yours, and I wouldn't want it restricted in any way." 

Anticipation of tasting Rimmer had him licking his lips, but instead of Rimmer straddling his head, he felt Rimmer's fingers stroking lightly along his throat. The nervous feeling was back, heightened by not knowing Rimmer's game. This was further than they'd gone before, and he didn't know what Rimmer's next move would be. He swallowed thickly, feeling Rimmer's fingers against his Adam's apple. It was only the lightest pressure, but he felt panic rise in his chest and met Rimmer's gaze. Rimmer's hand disappeared immediately and he felt an apologetic kiss brush his lips. 

Rimmer's eyes had lost some of their playful sparkle. "I never meant to scare you. I'd never do anything to hurt you or make you afraid of me. I think it's best we stop…" 

As Rimmer made to turn away from him, Lister's hand reached out and clamped over his upper arm. "No. You made me a promise, Arnold Rimmer, and you're going to follow through. Just – nothing around my throat, okay?" 

Lister leaned into the hand cupping his cheek and the kiss that was bestowed in apology. His grip lessened on Rimmer's arm, stroking up to rest against Rimmer's neck. 

"Do you still want to suck me?" Rimmer asked quietly. "I'd understand if you don't…"

Lister's hand unerringly found Rimmer's erection and pumped it a few times. "Mine," he growled against Rimmer's lips. 

Instead of being pushed back down to the bed, Lister found himself angled off the mattress onto the floor. As he knelt in front of Rimmer, he looked askance at his lover. 

Rimmer's expression was as serious as he'd ever seen it, and his tone equally so. "This way, you control the depth. I never want to you feel like you don't have control when we're together." 

Lister stroked his hands up Rimmer's thighs, pushing them apart as he scooted forward. He angled his head and kissed Rimmer deeply. "I didn't think I could love you more, but you proved me wrong yet again. Lean back." 

As Rimmer hitched his hips forward and leaned back on his elbows, he sighed, "I love you, Lister. More than you could ever know." 

Lister eyed the purpling erection just beneath his nose. "I've got an inkling." Before Rimmer could retort, he sucked on the head, drawing a groan from his lover. 

"I’m supposed to be making you come without touching yourself," Rimmer whined as Lister worked the cock in his mouth and throat. 

Lister hummed as he flattened his tongue and took as much of Rimmer as he could down his throat, loving the choked-off sounds of pleasure falling from Rimmer's lips. 

"D-do you know what you look like with my erection in your mouth?" Rimmer gasped. "Your lips stretched obscenely around it, pushing down to get as much as you can down your throat?" 

Lister moaned around his mouthful and tried to grasp his own leaking erection, only for Rimmer's hand to somehow reach his hand first and pull it up beside his thigh. He pulled off with a pop and glared up at Rimmer. 

"No touching," Rimmer reminded him, though his voice was shaky. 

Before Lister could stop him, Rimmer had both his arms beside his thighs, leaving Lister's hands within easy reach of his arse. Needing no further encouragement, Lister dug his fingers deep into Rimmer's arse and yanked him to the edge of the bed. "You'll regret that," Lister promised on a whispered breath as he resumed his worship of Rimmer's erection. 

Rimmer had gotten very good at colourful curses since he'd began sleeping with Lister. "Fucking smeg shit jumbo bugger," Rimmer gasped, to Lister's delight. 

He dragged his mouth off of Rimmer's cock and smirked. "What's that, Rimmer? You want me to stop?" 

Rimmer's chest was rising and falling just as rapidly as Lister's. "If you stop, I'll upend you over this bed and bury myself in you."

"Oh, shit," Lister whimpered, feeling wetness leaking out the tip of his erection. His hands flexed on Rimmer's arse. "Do it, please. I can't take much more." 

But Rimmer wasn't done with him yet. "You'd rather have my cock up your arse than deep in your throat?" he taunted. "I thought you wanted to taste me as I came. You're going to give that up to feel me stretch you wide open?" 

Lister's entire body was shaking with need. Unbelievably, he felt the familiar tingling at the base of his spine. "Rimmer, please," he groaned, _needing_ to touch himself. 

Rimmer must have sensed it, as he pried one of Lister's hands off his arse and started to suck on his fingers. Lister shivered again as Rimmer's tongue licked between his fingers, the vibrations of his moan streaking along Lister's nerve endings. 

"Let go, Lister," Rimmer urged. "I love watching you lose control. You know you want to come just from the sound of my voice." His voice dropped to a ragged whisper. "Or would you rather I use my tongue to loosen your hole?"

Lister groaned and felt a strong pulse shoot out of his erection. He began trembling violently as he felt shockwaves up and down his spine. 

"You're gorgeous when you come," Rimmer moaned, releasing Lister's hand to stroke his own erection. 

Lister wasn't able to touch his erection before his climax overtook him, instead grabbing the sheets to anchor him as wave after wave crashed through him. 

He dimly heard Rimmer's shout of completion while he was lost in the strangest orgasm he'd ever experienced. It wasn't very strong, but it went on and on and on, the mental images that Rimmer had implanted running rampant through his mind. 

When he lifted his head from Rimmer's thigh, he saw his lover sprawled out on the bed at a back-breaking angle. "You okay?" he asked unsteadily. 

Rimmer's groan was pained. "As soon as I'm recovered, I need to bury myself in you. Cock or tongue, I don't smegging care." 

Lister's thighs were starting to cramp, so he stood from his kneeling position and groaned. "Not tonight, Rimmer. I need to recover. I feel like a limp dishrag." 

Rimmer's head rolled around until he could get a good view of Lister's indeed limp penis. "Heh," he chuckled tiredly. "I win." 

Lister belatedly remembered the bet. "I think we both won, love," he remarked as he looked pointedly at his mess on the floor, his belly and thighs, and Rimmer's mess on the sheets and himself. 

"Eughh," Rimmer said as he pushed himself upright, trying to avoid touching anything wet. "I need a shower. Join me?" 

Lister followed him into the stall, closing his eyes as the warm water soothed his aching muscles. "Where are we going to sleep? The bed's a mess." 

Rimmer turned from the spray to regard him seriously. "I think we should move to new quarters. We'll never be able to fully repair the kitchen, and we need a bigger bed. Please, Dave." 

It was the old argument, with new aspects. The electromagnetic surges had all but destroyed their quarters. It would be practical and economical to move into new quarters, but still Lister hesitated. 

"What is it?" Rimmer asked, stroking his thumb along the side of Lister's neck. 

"It's where we've always lived, Rimmer," he answered, cursing Rimmer's sixth sense when it came to his emotions. "It's where we first met. It's where I fell in love with you." 

Rimmer pulled him close to press a chaste kiss to his mouth, then wraps his arms around Lister in a hug. "I know you've never had a proper home. But home is where the people you love are, not the things you share. As long as you want me with you, you'll always be home." 

He didn't answer with words; he couldn't through the lump in his throat. He angled Rimmer's head until he could kiss him, pouring everything he felt into his lover. When they parted, he rested his forehead against Rimmer's and licked his lips. "I want to choose our new home, Arnold." 

"Of course, Dave," Rimmer murmured, "I wouldn't have it any other way." 

They finished showering quickly, then pulled on their pyjamas and climbed to the upper bunk. Lister pressed back against Rimmer, holding onto the arm wrapped securely around his chest. "Be here when I wake up," he ordered softly. 

"It'll take a lot more than EMI to get rid of me. I'd take on a hoard of BEGGS, Death Simulants and rogue droids to get back to you," Rimmer promised, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

Lister fell asleep with his heart full of love for the man holding him as if he'd never let him go. 

The End


End file.
